Hard Truth:

This Hard Truth comes to you after I put my foot in my mouth, to a dear friend who was totally understanding and kind (and I didn’t deserve it). I was giving “READ THE ROOM KAREN,” and I thought I’d take to Substack, given I feel like we all could use a dose of that.

Now, first, I don’t want negate your feelings (or mine). Sometimes we get so frustrated with what’s happening that we get tunnel visioned. But, I promise, stepping away to see the full picture may help us realize—while our feelings are valid— maybe (sorry to say this), we don’t need to share them with certain people. Or at all. Because (maybe) they have a right to be like, “you’re not serious, right?”

Just because our baseline is at a certain level, it’s good to be aware that others will be different. Where my goals and dreams are what seem basic to me, may be aspirational to others. Our feelings are valid, but our lives are different, and it’s good to be sure we can acknowledge that.

I’m super lucky to have a very supportive husband, two loving kids, and extended family on both sides that want to be involved. That doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t want to yell and scream into the void about the lack of the village I was promised when pregnant. (That’s a whole Hard Truth for another day.) But me, taking to my text messages, bitching about something that I have and others don’t— well, I earn the response that I didn’t get because my friend is so nice— but it made me feel gross once I sent it. Immediately, I wished I could take it back.

The last thing I want to do is give “Karen.” I mean, why was I complaining about something I have that they don’t? I gave myself the ick. That’s not the friend I want to be, and honestly, my frustrations were immediately gone, because they were silly anyway.

I am in control of my life, and I could choose to handle things differently or say things to different people. I shouldn’t complain just because I didn’t like how things were going at that moment. And even if the feelings are valid (they are, your feelings are valid), there have been many instances where I’ve stopped to think about it more before rushing to text my friend, knowing this may be something that they won’t care about. Or may annoy them. And I’m happy to honor our friendship over the need to vent. I also have other friends I can rely on with certain things (like “omg, why is the cabinet still open?!”), but this friendship will transcend the small times I need to avoid wearing down my goodwill with them— that’s what matters.

To others, I have more than they do: more money, more support, more success, more love, more [insert something here]. And the last thing I want to do is push someone away because I can’t be self-aware enough to acknowledge that and instead complain, complain, complain.

So Hard Truths time: take a step back. Look at who you’re talking to. Before you jump to venting into messages, DMs, or in someone’s face, could you maybe pivot to…screaming into the void? Into the refrigerator? Your pillow? Because I hate to say this, while your feelings are valid, I think that they also may not be received as you want, because you probably do have something someone else wants. And maybe, we all need to read the room.

News:

Didn’t know Lucky Girl Syndrome was a thing, but isn’t it the same as manifesting?

I’m sure you’ve seen this, but for those of you who haven’t, this is the world we’re living in: keeping a woman alive just because she was pregnant.

I’ve been trying to make friends IRL, and I think this may be holding me back.

There have been three places I’ve been checking the news for my sanity and also to feel good. A newbie: The Esquire. Check out this headline.

Things I like

I’m in my sourdough era. These recipes are great.

Okay, I may need to go camping just to buy this tent.

You can get this mushroom garden decor from many places, but here are a few I found that you can order from your couch that isn’t the ‘zon.

I’m the Sims meme, ignoring my burning baby while screaming, “Not now honey! I’m budgeting to afford these Pottery Barn planters!”

Book Recommendations:

Musician Romances

LOVE IS A WAR SONG, Danica Nava (preorder)

SOUNDS LIKE LOVE, Ashley Potson (preorder)

IF NOT FOR MY BABY, Kate Golden (preorder)

NO ORDINARY LOVE, Myah Ariel

ANYWHERE WITH YOU, Ellie Palmer (preorder)

FOR ONLY ONE NIGHT, Jessica James

NEVER BEEN SHIPPED, Alicia Thompson (preorder)

HEART STRINGS, Ivy Fairbanks (preorder)

SOME KIND OF FAMOUS, Ava Wilder (preorder)